Humor Quotes Archives - Peoples Quotes

Sarcasm plays a crucial role in fostering husband-wife relationship. It creates a sense of intimacy and connection between spouses, allows partners to discuss difficult or sensitive topics in a more lighthearted manner, and makes the married relationship stronger and healthier. In this article, I've shared the 50 best sarcastic quotes about husband and wife that are witty, hilarious, yet true. You can share these quotes in a lively environment to make your partner, friends, and colleagues laugh. 50 Funny and Sarcastic Quotes about Husband and Wife 1. “An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” — Agatha Christie 2. “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.” — Winston Churchill. 3. “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” — Socrates 4. “The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’” — Unknown 5. “We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.” — Henry Youngman Sarcastic husband wife quotes 6. “In my house, I’m the boss. My wife is just the decision-maker.” — Woody Allen. 7. “My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.” — Lee Judge 8. “Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” — Jerry Seinfeld 9. "Husbands are like fires; they go out if unattended." - Zsa Zsa Gabor 10. "My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce." - Joyce Brothers 11. "A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick." - Ogden Nash 12. "Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one." - Anonymous 13. "Behind every successful man, there is a woman rolling her eyes." - Jim Carrey 14. "A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man." - Lana Turner 15. "I was married to a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - Groucho Marx Husband Wife sarcastic quotes 16. "A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong." - Milton Berle 17. "Husbands are like deck chairs. They're always out when you need them the most." - Unknown 18. "A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house." - Anonymous 19. "Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred." - Anonymous 20. "A husband is just a wife's personal IT guy, always on call to fix anything." - Anonymous 21. "A wife is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single." - Unknown 22. "Wives are like grenades... Remove the ring and boom! The house is gone." - Anonymous 23. “My wife’s cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens.” – Rodney Dangerfield 24. “Nothing makes a wife more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.” - Anonymous 25. “After marriage, the other man’s wife looks more beautiful.” – Navjot Sidhu Husband and Wife Humor Quotes 26. “If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.”- Sam Levenson 27. “Wife is cute when she is mute, and husband is honey when he gives money.” -Anonymous 28. “In my house, I’m the boss; my wife is just the decision maker.” – Woody Allen 29. “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” -Anonymous 30. “She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.” – Tommy Manville 31. "Husbands are like WiFi; you never realize how much you need them until they're not working." - Unknown 32. "I asked my husband what he wanted for his birthday. He said, 'Nothing would make me happier than a divorce.' So I bought him a cake." - Anonymous 33. "My husband said he needed more space. So, I locked him outside." - Unknown 34. “My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.” – Rodney Dangerfield 35. "A husband is someone who thinks he knows everything about you but still asks, 'What's wrong?" - Unknown 36. “I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.” -Anonymous 37. "A husband is a man who promised to make his wife's dreams come true. He's still working on it." - Unknown 38. “My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked, and now she’s afraid of the light.” – Rodney Dangerfield 39. "Why do husbands always think they're the world's best problem solvers? If that were true, we wouldn't have so many problems." - Anonymous 40. "My husband and I are happily married. We're just not always happy with each other." - Unknown 41. “My wife and I lived happily for twenty years…. then we met.” -Anonymous 42. “Your wife won’t start an argument with you If you’re cleaning.” -Anonymous 43. "Husbands are like parking spaces. The good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped." - Anonymous 44. “We always hold hands; if I let go, she shops.” – Henry Youngman 45. “A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted” -Anonymous 46. “My darling, this scenery makes me speechless. Husband: Perfect, we’re setting up a tent here.” -Anonymous 47. “Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!” -Anonymous 48. “One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip” -Anonymous 49. "Husbands are the best people to share secrets with. They'll never tell anyone because they aren't even listening." - Unknown 50. “My wife and I always compromise. I admit I am wrong, and she agrees with me. -Anonymous Related Sarcastic Quotes: https://peoplesquotes.com/sarcastic-quotes-about-family https://peoplesquotes.com/sarcastic-parenting-quotes https://peoplesquotes.com/sarcastic-quotes-about-friendship